Just Desserts
by Risssuhh
Summary: After a very legitimate argument about pastries, Kenny tells us all about his first time. In very graphic detail.


So, let me get this straight.

I'm sitting in detention with no other than Kyle Broflovski, which I'm sure a lot of people would find shocking. I'm not exactly pleased about it either, but he was _furious. _Don't think he should be, he was the one who caused this. Would you like to know why?  
It all started with this project we had to do.

~FLASHBACK~

_"Alright, next up is Kenny and Kyle with their debate Cake vs. Pie."_

_I stood up and walked to the front of the room with my partner. He was going to explain why pie was better than cake, and I was going to explain vice-versa. I thought it was going to be pretty fun, and an easy A for sure._

_"You may begin," the teacher said._

_Kyle looked at me, motioning me to go first. So I did._

_"Cake is better because it looks more attractive. It can have any color and it's generally sweet."_

_Kyle cleared his throat. "I think pie is better because it's less messy, and isn't filled with icing."_

_He doesn't really have room to talk, considering he's not even supposed to eat either of those pastries, but they were the only choices left, so we had to roll with it._

_"Well, cake is better because you can design it in a lot of ways to make it pretty," I said. _

_The class snickered. That sounded pretty gay, didn't it?_

_Kyle smirked and continued on. "Pie is better because it's used during special holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas."  
"You don't even celebrate Christmas," I blurted._

_He looked at me, and raised his eye brow. "I know?" he said._

_Shrugging it off, I said, "I'm out of ideas, so let's just say cake is better and I win."_

_Kyle dropped his jaw and turned to me. "You do _not _win!" he said in that dramatic tone of his. "You didn't even make another point. So I win."  
I turned my head towards him. "No," I said calmly. "You lose, because pie sucks."  
"What? That's not a valid argument!"  
"Then you come up with one."  
"Alright, fine." He crossed his arms. "Pie is better because it's not cake!"_

_I laughed, turning my whole body towards him. "Cake is better because it's not pie."  
"Well, it's a hell of a lot better than a piece of spongy, gross shit!"_

_"You've never even had cake, so how can you say that?"  
He growled. "Because I'm smart!"_

_The class was just staring at us, witnessing this argument._

_"If you were smart," I said, "you would know that pie is lame because it's ugly and lumpy. Kinda like you."_

_Kyle gave me a "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" face and was shaking due to his anger._

_"Yeah...well...cake is lame because...because you like it!"_

_I stared at him blankly. Yeah, some smartass he is._

_"Just admit that I won the debate," I said._

_"Just admit that _I _won the debate," he replied._

_Groaning, I turned to the teacher and asked, "Did I win or not?"  
She was giving us a really strange look, filled with anger/confusion. "I can't tell you that for sure," she said, "but I do know that you both won yourselves a trip to detention."  
"DETENTION?" Kyle shrieked. "For what?"_

_"For wasting your presentation time to argue," she said firmly. "Now both of you go to the office."_

_I walked casually out of the classroom, while Kyle stomped his way out, pushing past me, and slamming the door behind him._

END FLASHBACK~

And that, my friends, is why I'm stuck in detention, and also mad at a certain Jew. If he wants to play the "I'm mad at you because I think I'm right" game, then I certainly don't mind playing back. If he didn't make such a big deal out of our project then we wouldn't be here. But no. He just _had _to try to convince me that pie is better. Which it isn't.

I sat there at the desk, playing with a pencil I found on the floor. Kyle was sitting at the other end of the room with a scowl on her face.

Without even realizing it, I kept sighing and groaning in boredom. My sighing turned into really loud groaning, and my really loud groaning turned into an orgasim sound.

"Would you shut up?" Kyle yelled from across the room.

I glared at him. "Oh, am I disturbing you?" I said sarcastically. "Poor muffin. I'll _try _to stop."

He returned the favour of my glare as I started to stare at the ground. I've never been so bored in my _life._ Well, I'm sure I'm exageratting, but right now, all I can think about is how bored I am. So I decided to draw.  
There was no paper, so I just drew on the table. I started with two large breasts. Then I drew a face, which looked wavy, so I tried to fix it.

Shit, now it looks even worse.

I erased a bit and tried to fix it again. Fuck, now she looks fat.

Huffing, I attempted to make her face look just a bit normal. Aw, now she looks like a duck!

I made an "AUGH!" sound and threw my pencil at the wall. Kyle stared at me in confusion. I flipped him off and went to get my pencil.

He glared at me the entire time. "I'd appreciate it if you just stayed quiet," he snapped.

I looked back at him. "I'd apperciate it if you just died."

A shocked face was my response as I sat in my chair. I decided not to stay quiet, because that's something I'm not good at. At least not anymore. So, I decided to try to piss him off.

"Hey," I said. He glanced over at me. "Did I ever tell you about the time I fucked a woman in a gold Lexus?"  
Kyle kept staring at me. "No, and I don't really give a fuck."

I continued talking anyway. "She had an amazing body, way more amazing than yours, and the second I saw her I thought to myself, "I hope she has a deep vagina." So I decided to give it a shot."  
"That's just gross."

"I took her hand and went into the first car I saw. Without even speaking, she took off her skirt and I took off my shirt. She slowly started to unzip my sexy skinny jeans, as I went down her shirt and took off her bra. Just as I thought, her boobs were double D's."  
"A women can be beautiful on the inside, too."  
"As long as they're hot looking, I don't care. So, after she took off my underwear, she lowered to my cock and started sucking. I swear to fuck I had an orgasim, right there. Then I started to suck on her nipples."  
"Dude, shut up!"  
"I got some milk in my mouth, which tasted like apples. Not sure why, though. But it was good nonetheless. So after we sucked each other for ten minutes, I grabbed my boner and stuck it up her tight ass. I fucked her and fucked her as she cried, "Oooh, yeah! Oooh, baby!" And I was like, fuck yeah. We did that for about half an hour before she begged me to stop. So I did. I took my dick out of her ass and put it up her wet vagina. To my displeasure, it wasn't as deep as I hoped it would be, but it was still pretty deep. I stuck it in as far as I could, and I exploded all my cum into her. I was saving it for the pussy, which is what I like to do. Like, sex in the ass is fine, but you're more sensitive in your genitals."  
"I DON'T CARE!"

"After I was done cumming in her vagina, I took it out and just let it erect. I was already turned on as hell, and I was ready to let this thing get hard. So she started to rub it, and that was it. I exploded all over the car, and did _not _envy the person who owned it. She told me I was great, and I said I knew. So she got out of the car naked, and I put my jeans back on, but that was it. I was leaving with my dignity. I still don't know where that shirt is, but it was lame so, I'm not that hurt."  
I smiled. "The end."  
Kyle was giving me the dirtiest look I have ever seen. I was satisifed with myself, so I sighed.

"You could learn a lot from me," I said as I started to lean back. "But I only teach people I like. And I don't like you. At all."  
"Good," he said. "I don't like you either."  
I rolled my eyes. "I'm aware of that, you dunderfuck. You should be mad that you'll never get to see my disco stick."  
"I'd rather jump off a bridge and get run over by a truck than have sex with you," he said with a low monotone.

I scoffed. "Whatever."

_Someone's in denial._

Silence took over the room once again. I didn't like being in silence for too long, and if Kyle's mad at me then that's all I'm going to get. But I wasn't in any position to apologize. What did I have to aplogize for anyway? Speaking my mind?

Then again, the reason for our fight was pretty gay. Maybe he was just mad because he got detention? I mean, I'm only mad because he's acting like a dick to me.

Yawning, I stretched my arms out, and tried to think of something to say before the silence got too intense. Kyle was still sitting at the desk, looking as pissed off as ever. I decided to break the silence.

"Guess what else she said to me?"  
Kyle didn't respond.

I sat up in my chair. "Before we had sex, she told me that I was in for a surprise. 'Course I thought she was just being flirty, but I went along with it."  
"Kenny," he snapped. "I really...really don't care about you having sex."  
"No, listen," I said. "When she took off her thong, and opened up her legs, I was about to go right in, but she stopped me and said this."  
He still wasn't looking at me. Clearly he doesn't want to hear what I have to say. But I'm going to say it anyway.

"I made some pie. Come and get it."

It was the longest minute of my life. The whole time, Kyle was, very slowly, turning his head towards me, wearing the most confused face I had ever seen. His mouth was slightly open, his eye brow was raised, his nose was wrinkled and his face screamed "What the fuck?"

I sat there, staring back at him, waiting for him to say something. It was about another minute later before he finally opened his mouth.

"You are _sick,_" he said.

I smirked. "You love it."


End file.
